Heart's Desire
by Star24
Summary: Max finds out that her heart's desire is within reach - but is it too late? M/L
1. Two Apart

**_Heart's Desire by Star24_**

_Disclaimer: Dark Angel and its characters are property of Twentieth Century Fox and James Cameron and Charles Eglee. This original story is property and 2003 Star24._

_AN: This may be a standalone or it may go somewhere. Time will tell…_

* * * * 

The Seattle weather was particularly vicious that day. There was a cold rain falling unrelentingly, soaking everything. It wasn't a good day to be outside, much less to have a job such as bike messenger. Those who could had called in sick to Jam Pony, and those who couldn't spent the day drawing out their runs as long as possible, in order to avoid returning to the service to be sent back out into the vile weather.

"Hot run, Harbor Lights Medical," Normal screamed out. Unfortunately for him most of the riders were out on runs, and the service was practically deserted. The only one there was Max, who was sitting on a bench by her locker attempting to dry off. 

She ducked her head hoping to escape his notice. Harbor Lights was the last place she wanted to go. The memories of her sojourn there and its dramatic ending, with Logan riding in on his white horse (okay so it had been a traffic helicopter) to rescue her were still too raw. It had been two weeks since she had allowed him to believe she was a couple with Alec, and she still felt a stabbing pain somewhere in the vicinity of her second hand heart every time she was reminded of him. Not that it happened often, only about 24/7 was all. So she was fine. She had to be. After all, Manticore made her that way. 

A hand shoved a package under her nose, and she looked up with a sigh to see Normal standing there, clipboard in hand.

"Bip bip bip…packages wait for no one and paychecks don't happen for slackers."

"Can it, Normal," she snapped, grabbing the package and rising wearily from her seat on the bench. She pulled her hood up over her head as protection from the cold rain outside, hopped on her bike, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and headed out.

Half an hour later, package delivered, she stood looking out the glass entry doors of the hospital, watching the rain that was now a downpour. She was about to pull up her hood and head out into it once again, when she felt a soft touch on her shoulder.

"Max?" 

Max turned to find herself face to face with Dr. Beverly Shankar, the woman who had saved Logan's life after Max's last bout of carelessness around him had almost killed him.

"Hey," she responded trying to smile. It wasn't Dr. Shankar's fault that her life was such a screwed up mess. The doctor seemed like a decent type, acting as one of Logan's Eyes Only informants, and even proving to be a friend to Max and the transgenics in a city where they were generally regarded with fear and loathing.

Dr. Shankar looked Max over with a clinical eye, noting the dark shadows under her eyes and the general air of discouragement that seemed to hang over the younger woman. She glanced out at the rain and then down at her watch.

"Got time for a cup of coffee? It's on me," she invited with a smile.

Max hesitated, looked outside and shrugged. "Sure, why not? Maybe the 40 days of rain 'll end while we drink it. Ya never know – right?"

Beverly Shankar smiled and turned to lead the way to the hospital cafeteria. She briefly debated going to the doctor's lounge, but decided the crowded cafeteria would actually provide them with more privacy.

"How's Logan doing?" she asked as they settled at a table in a quiet corner of the cafeteria. 

Max looked up startled, and then realized that the doctor wouldn't know about them. Logan wasn't one to share his private life with others and Dr. Shankar was unlikely to know anyone else who she would be discussing Max and Logan with. Especially not anyone who would know the story. She looked down at her coffee, and concentrated on stirring sugar into it, while she thought about how to reply. Beverly waited her out, sensing that to push would only cause Max to put up her walls.

"We… we aren't seeing each other anymore." Max finally said, not raising her eyes from her steaming drink. 

Beverly frowned at that. "But why? I thought that since Joshua's blood had stimulated Logan's immune system into producing the antibodies he needed that you two would be…"

She stopped dead as Max raised her head and she encountered a fierce stare from the young woman.

"What did you just say?"

"I said that since Joshua's blood had jump started Logan's immune system…"

"Are you telling me that he's immune to the virus?"

"Joshua? Or Logan?" Beverly questioned.

"Logan." Max was glaring at her now in earnest and Beverly felt a shiver go down her spine, almost as though she were being looked over by a large predator.

"Max, I thought you knew. I told him a week ago. He came back in for lab work so I could be sure he was recovered, and when I ran the blood test his blood was swarming with the virus along with the antibodies for it. His body is producing them itself now, your virus can't harm him any longer."

"Why that …I'm gonna kill him…I'm going to…" Max was out of her seat as Beverly looked at her.

"Max, wait." Max halted at Beverly's softly spoken command. "I can see that you're angry at him for not telling you, but I did a lot of work on him…I wouldn't want it to be wasted."

Max gave her a curt nod and then turned and stalked out of the cafeteria. The depressed girl of half an hour earlier had been replaced by an avenging angel who was clearly on a mission.

Beverly smiled and turned back to her coffee, laughing to herself at the surprise Logan was going to have very shortly. Remembering Max's fierce look she thought to herself that she wouldn't want to be in Logan's shoes. At least not while Max vented her anger. She wondered idly why he hadn't told Max, but then decided that the two must have had a spat, and, in typical male fashion, he was holding back on her. She chuckled softly, while at the same time hoping that Max would calm down enough on her way to Logan's so that she wouldn't find herself on call to do some emergency patch up work on him.

* * * *

Logan sat at his computer, intent on the research he was doing. Since Max had walked out on him two weeks ago, he had buried himself in his Eyes Only work. Even so, he couldn't help glancing every so often at the picture that was still taped up next to his monitor. He had snapped it after the transgenic vampire affair, when she was sitting across from him, laughing over the story he was telling her about the flying transgenic monster. 

He reached a finger over and traced her face, wishing she were here in actuality, but knowing that it wasn't to be. She had finally realized that he wasn't what she needed and had gone back to one of her own kind. To Alec, who was as strong and fast as she was, and who could look after her in a way that Logan would never be able to, Even if he was eventually able to walk again, which he suspected might be happening as a result of Joshua's transfusion, he was no match for an X5. That knowledge was why, when Beverly Shankar had informed him that the virus was no longer a threat, he hadn't even bothered to let Max know. She was better off without him  

At least that's what he tried to convince himself of in his more rational moments. The rest of the time he spent vacillating between anger that she had betrayed him with Alec of all people, and depression that she was gone from his life. He figured that sooner or later things would even out and his world would right itself once again, but until then his salvation would be his work.

BANG.

His apartment door slammed and he looked up in alarm. Since he had asked Asha to return his key, no one besides himself had one. He reached down to open his drawer and take out the gun he kept there, but stopped when he saw who was standing in the doorway.

Max leaned against the post of the rice paper wall, arms crossed and eyes shooting out sparks. She looked dark and dangerous and incredibly sexy, and Logan wanted nothing more than to go to her and pull her into his arms. Instead he sat there and forced himself to calmly smile at her.

"Max. What brings you here?" His tone was unemotional and polite, a greeting to a casual acquaintance who had just happened to drop in. His hands were sweaty where he rested them on his pants legs, and he hoped Max wouldn't pick up on it.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Max demanded without preamble. She was definitely angry.

Logan looked at her in genuine confusion. "Tell you what?"

"Damn it, Logan you _know_ what."

"Max, I have no idea what you're talking about." He knew exactly what she was talking about, but he wasn't about to let her know that.

"I had a run to Harbor Lights today, and guess who I happened to see there?" Max gritted out between clenched teeth. Logan swore he could almost hear them grinding.

A look of guilt crossed his face but he refused to back down. "How would I know that, Max?"

"Dr. Beverly Shankar. We had a cup of coffee together and she passed on some very interesting news to me. About a friend of mine. Some news that you would have thought that _friend would tell me himself, instead of letting me find out by accident."_

Logan stared at her.

"Were you ever going to tell me, Logan?" Max's voice had lowered and he thought he saw tears in her eyes.

"I suppose I would have told you if I ran into you. But given the givens, with you and Alec I mean, I didn't see the need for a broadcast of the news." His words betrayed his pain and bitterness, despite his best efforts to keep his tone level and uncaring.

"You didn't think that I would want to know that I couldn't kill you with a stupid touch anymore? That wasn't worth telling me?" Max's voice was rising in anger again.

"To quote your own words, 'It's over, we're finished, get used to it.'" Logan responded letting his own anger finally come out. "You made it pretty clear that you were moving on. So I took you at your word."

"Damn it Logan, I almost killed you with one moment of carelessness. What was I supposed to do? Let it keep going on until I finally succeeded?" Max shot back at him.

Logan rose from his chair and began to pace. "So instead you hooked up with another man? Explain how that part was for my own good, Max, because I sure don't see it."

Max stood there at a loss for what to say. A look of guilt crossed her face. 

Logan saw it and misinterpreted the reason for it. With an exclamation he suddenly punched his fist through the rice paper that made up the wall closest to him. "Just go, Max. There's nothing left to say between us."

His back was to her as he tried to contain his anger and pain. There was silence and then he felt a touch on his shoulder. He turned, hands raised to push her away, but she was faster than he was and captured his hands, holding them in an iron grip, He marveled anew at how this petite, almost dainty woman could so easily hold him in check. He'd seen the things she was capable of physically, but he still couldn't quite reconcile them with her appearance.

As they stood there staring at each other he saw tears gather in her eyes, and a single one roll down her face. 

"Logan, I'm sorry…" she began.

"So am I. I thought we had something special." His words were bitter.

"No Logan, that's not what I meant. I mean I'm sorry I lied to you…about Alec."

Logan started to answer but then the sense of her words hit him. Relief mixed with anger as he looked down at her. He didn't know which was stronger. 

"Are you saying that…"

"There's nothing between Alec and me, Logan. There never was." She loosened her grip on his hands. 

Logan looked down at their loosely clasped hands and laughed shortly.

"What?"

"The first time we touch in three months, and its not quite what I pictured it being."

"Oh." Max was quiet, waiting for him to go on. She wasn't sure exactly what she was feeling at that moment. On the way to Logan's she had been fuming with anger, ready to blast him for not telling her about the virus. But as she rode in the rain she had cooled off. She couldn't quite bring herself to blame him for not running to her with the news. Her anger and hurt that he hadn't was still there, but there was also a sense of guilt for her own actions.

There was a moment of silence as their eyes locked. Logan didn't say anything but his hand came up and he gently touched the side of her face, a look of wonder in his eyes. 

Suddenly the room was charged with a different kind of energy. Logan bought his other hand up and wiped away the single tear that was sliding down Max's cheek.

Max stared up into his eyes, which were boring into her own. 

"So what do you want, Max?" His voice was low and husky and sent shivers down her spine. His hands were on either side of her face, trapping it and holding her facing him, his fingers wrapped in her hair.

"I want you." She never hesitated as she gave him the answer he was looking for.

The words hung between them for a moment, almost palpable in the air. Then with a groan, Logan lowered his face to hers. When their lips met, Max gasped. She drank him in greedily, a drowning person gulping in the air needed to live. His arms went around her pulling her against him, holding her tight. It was almost as if he was trying to fuse her body with his until there was no longer any separation and they were one entity in reality. Max flowed up against him bonelessly, aiding him in his attempt.

When they broke the kiss, both of them were panting, hearts racing and skin lightly sheened with sweat. Logan rested his forehead on hers, and they stood there for a moment in silence, still locked together in an almost desperate embrace.

"Max, if you don't mean what you just said, you better leave now. Because if you don't, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to let you leave me again." Logan's words were harsh, despite the gentle way his hands were now moving up and down her back.

In response, Max pulled his head back down to hers, opening her mouth to his, giving him her answer. After a moment, Logan broke away from her and stepped back. Before Max could respond, he scooped her easily into his arms and headed for his bedroom.

"Logan?" she said, a question in her voice, arms looped around his neck.

He paused and looked down at her.

"You do remember how I feel about quickies?"

"Max." A frown began to form on his face.

"I mean," she paused for effect, "you _are going to make it perfect?" She grinned up at him mischievously and he let out a shout of laughter as he continued down the hallway._


	2. Becoming One

**Heart's Desire  by Star24**__

**_AN: I didn't really plan to write more of this and certainly not so soon but this chapter was begging me to write it all the way driving to work today. So here it is.  I don't know if there is more of this or not.  Depends on my muse._**

**_* * * * * * * * * * * * _**

**Chapter 2**

When Logan reached his room, he paused for a moment then walked over and gently laid Max down on his bed. She sat up and started to reach down to pull her top over her head, but he sat down next to her and gently captured her hands, stopping her action.

"No quickies, Max."  

For a moment they sat there facing each other, Max's hands still trapped by Logan. He released her hands, and she watched in silence as he leaned over and removed his shoes and socks. Stopping there, he turned and swung his legs up onto the bed so he was lying facing her. He reached out and pulled her close against his chest, resting his chin on her head.

"I just want to hold you for a while." Logan's hands were gently stroking her back. Max was amazed that his simple action was so intensely erotic. She sighed and curled close to him, enjoying the feel of his body next to hers, his hands touching her gently. She breathed in his scent, the one that was so uniquely Logan to her that she could always tell immediately if he was close by, even in the crowds of Crash. 

For a long while the two just lay there, sharing the physical closeness that they had been denied for so many months. The simple fact of being able to hold each other was enough. Finally, Logan reached down and grasped the hem of Max's top. She raised her arms allowing him to pull it over her head.  He reached around her back and gently undid her bra clasp, then slid the straps down and off her shoulders, removing the bra and setting it aside. Max felt a shiver go through her as she lay back on his bed and he lay there next to her, propped on one elbow, drinking her in with his eyes. Still without words, Logan reached out a hand and gently traced a finger around her collarbone, and then down the valley between her breasts. He trailed it teasingly across their fullness, and then lightly circled first one nipple and then the other. Max arched her back at his touch and let out a soft gasp. 

Logan smiled as he leaned in and softly kissed her. His lips were gentle, although insistent, and she willingly opened her mouth allowing him access.  For long moments he teased her with his tongue and hand, the first darting teasingly in and out of her mouth, the other playing first one breast, then the other, teasing them into hard little peaks. Max could feel the moisture pooling between her legs as Logan continued his slow assault on her senses, but she also felt a sense of lethargy, caught in the sensual spell he was so expertly weaving, unwilling to move and disrupt the feelings he was creating in her body.

When he lifted his lips from hers, she let out a soft protest at the loss and reached out to pull him back to her. Logan smiled and taking her hands placed them on the buttons of his shirt. Max began to pull roughly at them but he stopped her with a touch and a few whispered words.

"Max, we have all the time in the world." 

It was Max's turn to smile as she made the simple act of unbuttoning and removing his shirt into a slow, sensual movement of the dance they were enacting. When his shirt was gone and he was sitting there next to her, she gently reached out and traced the muscles of his chest and abdomen, reveling as she felt them jump slightly at her touch.  She placed her hand over his heart, feeling the strong and steady beat.  There were tears in her eyes and Logan frowned when he saw them.

"Max? Are you alright?" He hesitated, "Is this what you really want?"

She shook her head, "I do. It's just…I mean for so long we couldn't…" she broke off unable to continue. 

"It's okay." Logan had her in his arms once again, holding her close to him, stroking her hair and murmuring nonsense to her.

Max clung to him for a few moments, gathering herself together then pulled back and smiled up at him. "Logan…I…"

"I know. You don't have to say it." 

Their lips met once again.

**// _I love you. You are my heart and my soul and my life.  Without you I'm not really alive.**/**_****/  From her to him.**

_// I _know. I've always known. I love you. I'll always love you. No matter what._ // From him to her._

When they pulled apart their eyes met and, without having to say the words, they both knew it was time. Logan undid the fastenings of her jeans and slowly slid them down her legs, bringing her panties with them. In turn, Max reached over and helped him undo his pants. He stood and let them fall to the floor, and then Max reached out and pushed his boxers down his lean hips, letting them drop as well. Logan stepped out of them and came to her as she lay there with open arms, welcoming him.

Max sighed as she felt Logan surrounding her, touching her everywhere at once, turning the slow burn he had been creating in her into a conflagration.  Her senses were heightened by his previous slow seduction and she gasped, as after bringing her to a fever pitch of wanting, he finally came into her and became part of her. 

At first he moved slowly as they learned each other and got used to the new sensations of being one with each other. But Max wanted more of him, and she encouraged him deeper. Their movements increased in tempo and Max pulled Logan harder into her, moaning in pleasure at the feel of him. Logan in his turn, groaned as he lost himself in her darkness and heat. They grew more frantic as together they went up in flames, and then, still together, slowly came back to a sense of where they were.

He started to roll off of her, but she protested and refused to let him leave, instead rolling with him so that they lay side by side facing each other, still joined as one.  Max rested her head against Logan's chest, listening to his heart beat, letting it lull her to sleep. Logan held her close, playing with her hair as she lay in his arms. Soon his eyes closed, and the two lovers slept.


End file.
